Festive Festivities Fury Fuels Faustian Fun

How tthe Smalltown Festive Fight might look (Artist’s Impression)

The Smalltown Chamber of Trade and Smalltown Shops have given up all pretence of working together and are now working hard to out-do each other with an ever-growing list of attractions to make their event better than their rivals.

Today the SS announced that as well as the troupe of Crusty Jugglers who will be walking the streets, (complete with skinny dogs on the end of lengths of string), there will also be Trapeze Artists in the High Street, swinging from lamppost to lamppost.

To counter this SCOT said that they will be introducing monkeys to their area outside the George Inn.

The SS then revealed that at 2pm on the stage in the car park, the WI would be hosting a bout of ‘All In Wreath Wrestling’, featuring Bulk Wogan and WI chairlady Mrs Brenda Peebody. This popular sport will see the winner crowned with the loser’s wreath.

SCOT hit back by claiming that they’d been in contact with the Time Travellers on the Promenade Lawns, who have agreed to unleash a Destroyation of Daleks to parade from the George Inn to the car-park, also at 2pm.

Both groups finally agreed to a temporary pact whereby, in a nod to the popular event held annually in nearby Bream, a Wild West duel will break out at 4pm. ‘Shotguns at Four’ will see the Mayor whistle the theme to ‘Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines’, whilst representatives from both factions shoot it out to determine which event is better.

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