Blitz Cinema coup

Crowd watch a sold out screening of new film.

In something of a coup, Blitz Cinema owner, Padraig Irishh, who earlier this year offered to take the White Elephant Enclosure of SaDTC’s hands and run it in a professional way, before being told by Deputy Dictator Cruella Sherry to “Go away and never darken our doors again‘” had managed to secure the first ever screening of a new film starting Juanita Hobson.

There then followed a last minute change to the line up for the Smalltown Christmas Lights Switch On, with previous star turn, local author, Nicholas Voyd, pushed down the bill as Juanita kindly agreed to perform the switch on ceremony for SCOT.

Whilst the appearance of Juanita was heralded as ‘The Greatest Celebrity Ever To Switch On The Smalltown Christmas Lights” not everyone was happy with the change.

SomersetClive spoke to several disgruntled women of a certain age in the Crowd with Agnes Dribble saying “I only came him to see Smalltown author, Nicholas Voyd, flick the switch. And now it turns out that he’s third on the bill. My husband is happy, but that’s not the point.

I queued for hours to meet Nicholas at his last book signing and I spend hours hanging around on the beach hoping to catch a glimpse of him walking his dog, so the only reason I came along today was to see him.”

SomersetClive caught up with Nicholas and he said “It was a bit of a shock, if I’m honest. I thought I was going to be the only person on the stage and now it turns out that as well as the lovely Juanita, Dictator Dullard will also be there.

It’s not all bad though, as it’s given me inspiration for my next book. Picture the scene – a Festive event, somewhere in a town not too dissimilar to Smalltown. A huge Crowd has gathered to watch the annual Christmas Light Switch On.

As the Crowd join in with the magic countdown, you can feel the electricity in the air as all eyes are on the stage. As the plunger is depressed a look of shock comes over the faces of the two people charged with the job. Their bodies shake as the circuit is completed, before their faces contort in horror and they both fall to the ground, still twitching.

It’s the crime sensation of the year. Just who did electrocute the Dictator and World-famous superstar? Could it possibly be the mild-mannered author who found himself dumped at the last minute?

It’s sure to be a bestseller.”

Meanwhile, admiration for Padraig Irishh was off the scale for his genius marketing ploy. As well as managing to grab the first screening of ‘Christmas in a Two Tree Town’, which was partly filmed in and around Smalltown, Mr Irishh has also been able to grab further screenings of the film to be shown at the Blitz Cinema, after the screening on Saturday proved to be a sell-out.

Imagine if Mr Irishh had been allowed to take on the White Elephant Enclosure and the film had been screened there. It would have been the first time a film shown at the WEE had attracted a bigger audience than five people.

Instead, Mr Irishh found his offer dismissed without discussion as the WEE Mismanagement Committee, led by Deputy Dictator Cruella Sherry felt that they had enough inexperience to make it a success. If only we lived in a parallel universe.

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