Crowds flock to disappointment

The Massive Crowd flocked to the Smalltown Christmas Lights Switch On Event, organised by the Smalltown Chamber of Trade (SCOT) and part-funded by Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council.

Families were able to spend time listening to music from the stage outside the George Hotel as well as partake of the Children’s amusements. Father Christmas arrived at 3.30pm to the delight of all small children and a few bigger ones as well. After the small Smalltown Lantern Parade it was back to the area outside the George Hotel to await the BIG SWITCH ON.

With Dictator Dullard taking to the stage first, followed by guest of honour Juanita Hobson and usurped guest of honour, Nicholas Voyd the countdown led by the Town Shouter, Oliver Currie began.

FIVE“, everyone shouted.
FOUR“, the shouts grew louder.
THREE“, all eyes were on the plunger.
TWO“, children began to jump up and down in anticipation and the adults were in fever pitch. Dictator Dullard attempted to push her Juanita Hobson and Nicholas Voyd off the stage as she vied for control of the plunger.
ONE“, down went the plunger and to the complete astonishment of the Crowd a single light was illuminated.

Wow“, said the Crowd in unison. “Is that it? Even Dullbridge had a better display this year!”

Dictator Dullard said “Thank you all for coming to see me switch on the light. It was good, wasn’t it?”

Several members of the Crowd looked around, wondering if this was a case of of delayed electrification. Sadly it wasn’t, as Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council had paid the lighting contractors extra for a remote control which would ensure all the lights came on simultaneously.

Smalltown resident Tom Luminous said “That was a huge disappointment. We greatly enjoyed the build up to the event and then it was all something of a damp squib.”

However, Dullbridge resident Ethel Gloomy disagreed saying “It’s about time Smalltown residents felt the same as us about the mediocre Christmas lights in their town. I think our Dullbridge light is actually better than this one.”

Dick Turpin of Smalltown told SomersetCliveWhat a complete and utter shambles, but it’s only what we’ve come to expect from SaD Town Council. A lot of huff and puff, but absolutely nothing of substance.

How much did they pay for these Christmas Lights? £21,000? Plus over £7,000 for the trees and a further £3,940 for the Smalltown Chamber of Trade to organise their part of the day. That’s over 30 grand. I call that daylight robbery.”

Harry Bottom agreed, “Honestly, you couldn’t make it up, could you? What an appalling way to finish a super day. My kids are crying now. Trust SaDTC to disappoint. They always do.”

Rumours that Squire Teflon had been spotted in the area, armed with a pair of wire-cutters later proved to be unfounded, with the Squire telling SomersetCliveWhilst it’s true I normally go out of my way to make the BeFuddleds look stupid, on this occasion I didn’t had to bother. They managed to do that all in their own.”

Juanita Hobson told us “I’ve switched on a lot of Christmas lights in my time. When you appear in Pantomime, as I have many times, you get to do it a lot.

This is the first time I’ve ever seen a Crowd cry though.”

One thought on “Crowds flock to disappointment

  1. hope they get the money back they paid to the contractor. and i still don’t know why it cost’s that much for a tree. should go back to having lights switched on in the middle of town.

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