Guest Columnist Councillor Apprentice-Candlestick Maker on…

Having fun.

It’s Saturday tomorrow! What are you all going to be doing? Hello? Can anybody hear me? Or am I talking to myself? I don’t mind if I am talking to myself because I myself am used to talking to myself. Most people ignore me because they think I don’t have anything important to say.

Anyway I expect some of you will be heading off out to the pub on Saturday night I personally won’t be because I’m not old enough to go in a pub. But I do know something about pubs because I’ve done a lot of research into pubs.

Pubs sell alcohol. I know it’s that incredibly incredible.

Supermarkets sell alcohol too and incredibly it is cheaper to buy alcohol in a supermarket than the local booza, usually.

The way it’s changing is quite interesting, really. Where ever there is student accomodations (in BIG cities), you will see wet pubs, bars and nightclubs thrive but in towns they still face a forever decline in the culture of going down the pub or to go to a nightclub. (Yes I may not live here but I do know that Smalltown and Dullbridge doesn’t have one.)

I would think there will be a rise in house party’s or drinking at home as time goes by with the pressures that are put on venues already especially by the franchise’s/chains/breweries let alone the taxes. But you won’t see alcohol sales drop or by much or at all in supermarkets possibly rise.

Chances you will in local pubs, though.

Who knows. We will have to wait and see.

Smalltown and Dullbridge just has the additional factor of tourism which may have helped local venues previously but I myself can’t be certain given that most resorts continue building more attractions on site. It’s just good businesses.

I myself know that Squire Teflon personally helps the supermarkets by purchasing all his Albanian Whiskey purchases there. Former-Headmaster Fencesitter prefers to support smaller independent producers when it comes to independently purchasing his important cider. Headmistress Dullard and Deputy Headmistress Sherry don’t drink alcohol they prefer to drink the blood of their enemies.

That’s my personal observations anyway. And I personally did not have any help from Artificial Unintelligents to write this.

(Ed – Thank God it’s Friday. Emma – you did contact Media Mogul Mike Maxman about next week, didn’t you?

I’m really sorry, Mr Editor, Sir. I did try but Mr Maxman told me he wasn’t in.

Ed – Are you telling me we are stuck with this <expletive > for another week?

I think so, Dictator Dullard and Deputy Dictator don’t want him either, but please can Steve mentor him next week? Because if not I’m going to phone in sick. Which I will be if I have to go through another week of this.)

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