What’s on

The new Smalltown Permanent Arts Manager (SPAM), Susie Cookbook and the Smalltown Culture and Arts Media Promotions Individual (SCAMPI), May Tricks, have taken up acting, with the pair now living in a world of make believe where in their parallel universe the White Elephant Enclosure was busy last week.

Although last week saw performances of both a ballet and a play, neither event was particularly well attended, with both events struggling to sell even a third of the available tickets.

That looks set to change this Saturday with a show aimed at children for half term week. Two performances of ‘Lights Off Princess’ are scheduled for both morning and afternoon. The blurb for the show promises that it will be ‘full of fun and sparkle’ and continues “Can you help a very unusual princess solve an unexpected problem? She’s struggling to make any money and without more ticket sales, this show could be cancelled! Just like several others this year. Can the SPAM and SCAMPI save both the Princess and their jobs?”

Unfortunately, as of today only 17 tickets have been sold for the morning performance and a magnificent eleven for the afternoon.

Even a flash sale offer of 50% off the original price of £12.00, together with a chance to purchase either breakfast before the morning show or lunch in the afternoon from Bellends Kitchen for a mere pound has failed to see a stampede at the box office.

No doubt Ms Cookbook and Ms Tricks will be able to imagine it’s been a ‘sell out’. That’s if it doesn’t get cancelled on Friday. It’s barely worth switching the lights on with that number of attendees.

Down the road at the Blitz Cinema a family of four can watch a screening of a popular children’s cartoon for only £16, which is a saving of £8 compared to the WEE’s cut-price offer. It doesn’t take a genius to work out which event will attract the bigger audience.

But pity the 21 audience members in the WEE audience who splashed out on full price tickets. Those have cost a family of four £48. Enough to watch three different films at the Blitz.

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