Dictator celebrates award

There was cause for celebration at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) this week, after it wad revealed that Dictator Dullard’s Climate Rescue Action Plan (CRAP) Festival had been named as ‘The Worst Event Organised by Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council in 2023′.

During the Award Presentation Ceremony held at – where else? – the White Elephant Enclosure, Dictator Dullard said “It’s lovely to be awarded this award. It’s really good to see so many of you here to watch me accept this award.

I am so proud of the work I’ve done on my CRAP, and it was lovely to see so many stall holders turn up on the day, because without them my CRAP Festival wouldn’t have seen so many people attend the event. It was a lovely and good day.

Shall we all celebrate my achievement with a lovely cup of tea? That would be good, wouldn’t it?

Chairperson of the SaDTC WEE Mismanagement Committee, Deputy Dictator Sherry said “It was a very close run thing, and I honestly thought that we were going to scoop the award with either our David Towie or Timmy Hooper tribute acts, but it turned out that events which were cancelled due to no attendees were automatically disqualified.

We did think we could be in with a chance with one of our ‘Five Film Club’ screenings, but the three audience members who bought a ticket to get out of the rain proved to be one more member of the public than the CRAP Festival managed to attract.

Never mind. There’s always next year’s award ceremony, when I’m sure the WEE will once again secure the top prize and, of course, we did retain the title of “Biggest Waste of Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Residents Money’ for the 12th year running, so it’s not all bad news.”

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