More Love in a Smalltown

In the first volume of Steven C. Gull’s long-running saga we heard how Squire Teflon helped Mistress Bones with funding for her dream to bring a World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink to Smalltown, in return for a favour or two or 16,000. They had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from significant others, friends and the residents and electorate of Smalltown.

Following a hugely unsuccessful opening event, which attracted huge amounts of Town Council funding and small crowds, the World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink opened and, a few short weeks later, closed again.

We rejoin the dynamic duo to find them having adjusted the figures to made a silk purse out of an elephant’s ear and have managed to convince everyone that the Rink was a huge success. They are now working on a scheme for the return of Mistress Bones Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink.

Chapter Four

Mistress Bones was sat behind the counter in her Newspaper and Tat Emporium, she had the place to herself as no one wanted to buy any tat that day. She was idly flicking through the pages of a local newspaper and reached the Letters to the Editor page.

Reading the first few letters she quickly found herself getting hot. Angry tears pricked the back of her eyes. Flinging the paper to the floor she phoned her close-friend Squire Teflon.

You need to come here NOW!”

“I love it when you are forceful. Have I been a naughty paper-boy again, delivered the papers to the wrong houses? Do I need punishing?”


Am I a Councillor who has refused you planning permission?”

“No. It’s not that. It’s, it’s, it’s…” She was so angry she couldn’t get the words out.

“I’ve got it! You are the nurse, I’m the doctor and you want to borrow one of my pens to make a note on a patient’s record!”

“No. Why do you only ever think about one thing?”

“I’m sorry my little lovehoney. But what else is there to think about? I think I’ve got it. I’m a TV repair man and you want me to connect my male co-axial plug to your female co-axial socket.”

“No. Nothing like that. Just get here. Quickly.”

Squire Teflon rubbed his hands with glee. ‘She’s insatiable.’ he thought to himself. ‘I wonder what she’s going to surprise me with this time?’

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