Squire Teflon has stepped up his campaign to censor residents who dare to question his involvement in the long-running White Elephant Enclosure (WEE) money-pit disaster, as well as anyone who mentions his close-friend and employer Mistress Xxxxx, up a gear.
Not content with ensuring that local media outlets do not carry articles that could be construed as negative towards either the Squire, Mistress Xxxxx, or her Xxxxxxxxx and Xxx Xxxxxxxx, and threatening them with legal action if they do not comply,
Teflon has now taken to issuing direct threats to residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge.
Speaking to members of the press who had gathered outside Mistress Xxxxx’ Xxxxxxxxx and Xxx Xxxxxxxx yesterday, Squire Teflon said “Don’t flatter yourself. I am not terrified of anybody in this town, and given the fact I do not know who you are, why would I be terrified. Lol.
If you have an issue with me please talk to me next time you see me. That way I can arrange to have you measured for a pair of concrete wellingtons, which will be a special gift from me to you.
What you see today is me with a crushing headache, caused by imbibing too much Albanian Whiskey last night.
By all means come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough, but I can assure you you aren’t. No one is harder than me. Ask Mistress Xxxxx if you don’t believe me.
And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to kiss Mistress Xxxxx goodbye, because I’m heading down to the White Elephant Enclosure which, as I’m sure you know, posted record-breaking income results last week, which were not manipulated by anyone to make the place look more of a success than it really is.
And anyone saying anything different may well find themselves washing up on Spurt Island in the not too distant future. Don’t saw I didn’t warn you.”
SomersetClive asked Smalltown Mathematical Genius Karen Borderbum to take a look at the recent WEE accounts, and she confirmed our findings that the income figure of £106,000 is indeed fictitious and that if Squire Teflon and Deputy Dictator Sherry insist on claiming otherwise then they are both liars, liars, pants on fires.
We await our concrete wellingtons.