Squire’s wishes ignored

The recent Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council Town Unimprovements meeting led to further upset for Squire Teflon and an increase in sales of Albanian Whiskey.

One of the first tasks of the Committee, now chaired by the BeFuddled Party’s Cllr Jim Rabbithole, was to choose a new Vice Chairperson and Squire Teflon wasted no time in suggesting a suitable candidate.

Addressing the meeting, Teflon said “I would like to propose that the Illiberal Party’s former Mayor and Professional Councillor, Mark Facelift, be voted in as Vice Chair.

Cllr Facelift has years of experience as a Councillor and could do a better job of chairing a meeting than any of you lot.

He already shows his commitment to Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council by putting in the effort and time to travel from his home in Fridgpond to attend Committee meetings.

I believe that he should be rewarded for this by being made Vice Chair.”

The BeFuddled Party Councillors present exchanged wry smiles before Chair Cllr Rabbithole asked “The proposal put forward by Squire Teflon is that Cllr Facelift be made Vice Chair of this committee. Do we have a seconder?”

Unfortunately for Squire Teflon, three of his fellow Illiberal Party committee members – Cllr Catty Staring, Cllr Saul Synn and Cllr Prue Hairdresser – hadn’t bothered to turn up. With the only other Illiberal in attendance being Cllr Facelift himself and none of the BeFuddleds wanting to support the idea, it failed to attract the necessary vote and was swiftly rejected.

Instead the BeFuddleds awarded Councillor and Professional Fun Police Officer, Cllr Patsy Knickers, the job.

Speaking after the meeting Cllr Knickers said “I am delighted to have been made Vice Chair of the Town Unimprovements Committee as this will give me the opportunity to put a stop to all the frivolous spending on events that could involve fun.

We need to stop thinking about ways to improve Smalltown and Dullbridge and concentrate on the Cost of Living Crisis and the Climate Rescue Action Plan (CRAP), rather than giving enjoyment to residents.”

Squire Teflon was later spotted perusung the whiskey aisle in Lidalls muttering darkly about BeFuddleds being a complete waste of space.

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