Virgin problems

Smalltown residents have been contacting SomersetClive to tell us of their internet woes.

Reader Dickie Brandsome said “My internet connection has been pants for weeks. I’ve had real problems connecting to my favourite websites including VirginsRUs and Virgins4U.

Anyone would think there was a shortage of local virgins. I don’t think there is, although I haven’t seen a virgin for ages, I think it’s more of a supply issue. It’s a terrible situation.”

Fellow resident Ivor MacDirty agreed saying “The service is abysmal. Just as I get it up it drops again. I’ve complained to my supplier but they’ve said they won’t be able to fix it for a number of weeks. They made all these promises about how their service was the fastest in the area and it really isn’t.”

Squire Teflon also expressed his concerns telling us “It’s been a long time since I’ve used a virgin, as my close-friend and employer Mistress Bones now keeps a firm hand on me but I can understand the concerns. There’s nothing more frustrating than not being able to connect with a virgin when you need to.”

Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council confirmed that the problem has absolutely nothing to do with them. “We may be new and naive, and some could describe us as virgin councillors, but we are hopeful that we will learn the ropes by 2047.”

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