As Cupid readies his arrows of love and the female residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge warily eye their letterboxes in case a card from Squire Teflon should drop through it on this special day in the love calendar, SomersetClive’s SquireWatch has been keeping close tabs on the man himself to help keep our womenfolk safe from his unwanted advances.
We are pleased to confirm that everyone will be safe tonight as the Squire will be spending this evening in the company of his one true love.
No, for once he won’t be in the arms of his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones, instead he will be keeping warm and cosy with the one he calls “My Princess“.
The Squire said “I cannot wait to be inside her again. To feel her walls surround and envelope me. To feel the hardness of her seats beneath my buttocks. No woman can compete with her.
Unfortunately I can’t actually be in her tonight as the White Elephant Enclosure Mismanagement Committee meetings is being held at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others), but I will be able to talk about her and the effect she’s had and continues to have on my life.
I’ve spent almost a million pounds on her to demonstrate my love. Obviously it wasn’t my money, because I couldn’t afford her on an unemployed photocopier salesman’s wages, but I’ve coerced and cajoled my fellow councillors to spend council tax payer’s money instead.
She’s incredible. I may be alone in my undying feelings of love for her, I know there are some who really don’t understand the attraction, but she’s mine and no one is going to take her away from me.”
We contacted Mistress Bones to find out how she feels about playing second-fiddle to the WEE but she told us she was too busy trying to sell cheap plastic red roses from behind the counter of her Newspaper and Tat Emporium to be able to speak to us.