CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
Act One. Scene Four.
Inside The Squire of Teflon’s Hayloft Palace. He is talking excitedly to his cronies
Squire -… and I bought her for a single gold coin! I’m so clever.
Crony A (Cllr Mark Facelift) – But what will we do with her?
Squire – Does it matter? She’s mine. All mine. I’ve always wanted a Princess. She will give me lots of opportunities to stand next to her and have my portrait painted. She will be perfect for raising my profile.
Crony B (Cllr Mark Secretary) – Sir? Do any of us know anything about owning Princesses? I know I don’t. I wouldn’t have a clue how to handle one. Why don’t we ask if any of the villagers would like to handle her for us? Some of them may have some ideas.
Squire – Hand over MY Princess to those village idiots? Absolutely not. I will advertise for a Princess Wrangler.
The cronies leave the stage and the Princess Wrangler (Sandy Pullover) enters.
He doffs his cap – Greetings Squire. I understand you need some help with a difficult Princess?
The Squire and Princess Wrangler clasp hands and begin to pirouette around the stage.
Squire – Ah, yes. Young man, verily, tis true,
I have a Princess, but I don’t know what to do.
She seems to cost a lot to run.
Any idea what can be done?
Princess Wrangler – First of all she lacks some style
She needs more money to make her smile.
New shoes and a brand new dress
Those things will help make her impress
She’s currently rather dull and drab
Got any money I can grab?
Squire – Money? Here take the lot.
It’s quite a bit and all I’ve got.
But if you can turn around her luck
And make it look like I’ve not stuck
The Village with a monumental disaster
And people will stop laughing at their Master.
Princess Wrangler – Your wish is my command, oh Squire.
And if all else fails, perhaps a fire?
They stop dancing and the sound of hammering and sawing fills the air. The Princess Wrangler leaves the stage, and the Squire turns to face the audience.
Squire – My new Princess Wrangler is a genius. He will soon have my Princess looking like a new woman. She is going to make me the envy of everyone at the ball.
Lighting fades.
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