Down with this sort of thing

The excitement continues to build in Smalltown as the Carnivoo start time draws closer.

Bill Old, Chairman of the Smalltown Carnivoo Committee said “After a two year absence due to the Corvid pandemic its great to see Carnivoo back in Smalltown. This year we have 94 entries in the parade, with over 20 walking entries adding to the colour and variety on the night.”

One entry that won’t be providing colour and variety is the Easton-under-Water Pride Group who failed to get approval from the Smalltown Carnivoo Committee to attend. Despite being welcomed by all the other Carnivoo Committees on the Somerset Carnivoo circuit, the entry – ‘What a gay day!’ – will not be part of the Smalltown Parade.

A spokesperson for Smalltown Carnivoo Committee said “We were absolutely horrified when we saw the application from the Easton-under-Water Pride group, because this really isn’t the sort of thing that we as a committee want to encourage. Carnivoo audiences really won’t want to see this sort of thing.

It took us ages to think up some feeble excuses to deny this group entry, but eventually we decided to say that Smalltown residents are firmly stuck in the past and have outdated views when it comes to all things LGBT.

Men either wearing colourful rainbow costumes or dressing up as women really isn’t in the spirit of Carnivoo.

We are positive that the residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge will agree with our decision not to allow a bunch of *******, *****, and **************** to take part.” (Ed – We’ve had to censor these words, as they are likely to cause offence.)

The vast majority of Smalltown residents disagreed with the Committee’s decision, with several saying it was ‘disgusting and discriminatory’ and describing anyone who agreed with the ban as ‘small minded dinosaurs’.

Suggestions from Pride supporters that members of the group turn up to take part despite the ban were met with firm warnings that “Anyone who tries to disrupt proceedings will be tackled to the ground and put in a headlock by our over-zealous Carnivoo Marshalls. We won’t tolerate anyone attempting to join the parade without full authority. This is a fun event.”

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