Carnivoo Marshals out in force

Smalltown will be packed with over-zealous Carnivoo Mashals today, as they prepare to police the streets during the Smalltown Jubilee Junket.

The Marshals, a disparate band who weren’t invited to accompany the Fridgpond Carnivoo entry for the Jubilee Parade in London, will be ensuring that no one without a cup of tea or coffee in their hand is seen eating cake.

Band leader, Mr Carnivoo, said “We’ve already been out and shut all the roads into and out of Smalltown, so if you were thinking of driving around in the area don’t, because my group of Marshals will be manning the barricades and will also be roaming the streets armed with Kalasnikovs The last thing we want is for anyone to be enjoying themselves without permission.”

The road closures may come as a shock to residents, as the required signage warning of the impending closures failed to materialise and therefore many people will be unaware that access to the town centre is now banned.

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