Jubilee celebrations – Thursday 2nd June

With Queen Victoria II’s Titanium Jubilee fast approaching it’s time for SomersetClive to take a look at what is in store for residents and visitors to Smalltown and Dullbridge. The majority of the events taking place are the same events as usual but with the word ‘Jubilee’ prefacing the title.

We start our round up with details of the events due to take place on Thursday 2nd June.

Smalltown Shops (SS) are hosting a ‘Free Unlimited Cake 4 All’ (FUC*ALL) extravaganza, which will see Main Street closed off for the entire day (limiting vehicular access to the shopping area).

Squire Teflon’s close-friend, Mistress Bones, has used the experience gained from her Smalltown and Dullbridge Duplicated Events Social Team (SaDDEST) to put together a wide and varied entertainment package which will include (but is not limited to) circus acts featuring sword swallowers, fire eaters, knife throwers, lion tamers, human cannonballs, a Wall of Death and clowns. The ever-popular crusty jugglers, with stray dogs on string, will also be wandering around entertaining people. Free cake will also be available.

Mistress Bones co-organiser, Lady Brassy of Easton-under-Water has also been busy organising a sit-down luncheon for selected local children. She said “Twelve children from each of the local infant/junior schools have been invited to enjoy the privilege of eating lunch with members of the SS. We have limited our invitation to well-behaved children only, so if your child isn’t amongst the invitees you will know it’s because they are little sh1ts. There will also be free cake for all.”

After everyone has finished eating Squire Teflon will don tights and his special sparkly Vice Chairman of Somerset Cuonty Council tiara and necklace to lead the ‘Joyless Jubilant Jubilee Jaunt‘ through the streets of Smalltown. Before setting off everyone will be invited to grab a slice or two of free cake.

During the day the Town Shouter will read a proclamation in Smalltown to announce the lighting of a bonfire on Smalltown beach in the evening. He will then travel to Dullbridge to read a proclamation to announce the evening lighting of a match at St Jude’’s Church.

The day will finish with a ‘Speech on the Beach’ from Squire Teflon, congratulating himself on his long reign, before he lights the ceremonial bonfire which will be topped by an effigy of Jock McCads.

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