Squire makes absurd claims

With the election for the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council looming, the local Illiberal Party has wasted no time in delivering further propaganda to local residents.

Squire Teflon and his close-friend Mistress Bones feature prominently in one such leaflet delivered to homes in the Smalltown Posh area.

Amongst the wild claims within, the leaflet highlights how well the pair work as a ‘team’

“Having worked together on the Hospital Fate Worse than Death (renamed The Mistress’ Grand Jamboree), we are known for achieving.”

Quite what the pair achieved (apart from an even closer relationship) is unclear, as the promised defibrillator, which was to be purchased with Jamboree funds, has never materialised.

The leaflet also claims that The Squire has worked hard for the area for many years, but fails to list anything he’s actually achieved in that time. Probably because he hasn’t done much at all, apart from waste money on his personal projects, as well as securing council funding for Mistress Bones and her Smalltown Shops Group.

Best of all is the claim that ”Funding has been gained to make enhancements to Smalltown Sea Front“, implying that the funding was secured by Squire Teflon and conveniently forgetting that the money was actually secured thanks to the hard work put in by local business magnate, and the Squire’s arch-nemesis, Lex Turkey.

More on these incredibly absurd claims to follow (especially the bits that the Squire has forgotten). When we’ve stopped laughing.

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