Smalltown and Dullbridge’s Missing Person, Tim Teepee, has broken cover to urge residents not to go missing.
The warning follows reports that Smalltown residents have been joining the Dullbridge Liberation Front after Squire Teflon dangled the carrot of ‘Independence for Dullbridge’ as an idea to win votes.
Speaking last month Teflon mused “Should Dullbridge be an Independent State? It’s an idea which I raise now and again, usually when there’s an election looming. The majority of citizens tend to say yes, so I know that merely asking the question makes it look as if I genuinely care about the electorate.
Of course, getting rid of Dullbridge is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it gives Smalltown the chance to get rid of its shabby neighbour but on the other it would see a reduction in the amount of Council tax in the Smalltown coffers, so we would need to increase taxes in Smalltown to cover the costs of The White Elephant Enclosure and I’m not sure that’s something residents want to see. Currently people in Dullbridge pay to use a facility they never use and I don’t think it’s fair to expect Smalltown residents to pay more for a facility they never use either. So I’m not actually going to make independence for Dullbridge a priority.”
Residents in Smalltown have been seen heading over the border to sign up to the Dullbridge Liberation Front to show their support for the town, causing Tim Teepee to warn “Don’t go to Dullbridge. It’s very dangerous and you could be in an awful lot of trouble.”
“This is not the time for people to be going there, and the Dullbridgians have made clear, once you cross the border you’re there for good. So people who think they can go, take some selfies, get some Instagram shots, and then return to Smalltown – that is not the way the Dullbridgians are viewing the situation and you may never be seen again.”