BeFuddled Party Prospective Missing Person for the Smalltown and Dullbridge, Fridgpond Unitary Constituency (SaDFUC), the charming Clara Scullery issued her own tribute to the current Smells, Smalltown and Dullbridge (SSaD) Missing Person, Tim Teepee, following the news that he will not be seeking reelection.
Clara said “I’ve met Tim several times, the first time was a couple of years before he went missing, it was at an opening of a pizza shop. He waved at me in the crowd, which means he thinks I am great. Which I am.
Years later our paths crossed again, this time at the opening of a pizza parlour. By this time I had embarked on my campaign to save the world from being sold off cheaply to a housing developer and was also heavily into promoting myself and attaching myself to each and every cause I came across, as well as pretending to care about the plight of lost and lonely ducks.
While Tim has been missing he has risen to great heights, but nowhere near the dizzy heights I have reached. He has also been unwavering in his support for leaders Horace Monsoon and Liz Thrust, something I wouldn’t have done if I was your Missing Person, because neither of them could hold a candle to our dear BeFuddled leader errrrm, Wotshisname. Tim was very stupid, changing allegiances like that. You won’t see me changing my mind I’m far too superior for that sort of thing.
It’s interesting that Tim should choose to stop being missing now. He must know that he faces strong competition from me in the next election, even though I’m not standing in the Smells constituency, but then I’m omnipresent, aren’t I? I can be everywhere at once. One minute I’m opening a pizza takeaway and the next minute I’m campaigning again bunions.
I’m off in a second to open a crisp packet and make a big announcement about the difficulties of choosing a sandwich filling, but before I go I’d just like to remind everyone how wonderful I am and what a great Missing Person I’ll make, because I always have my best interests at the heart of everything I do. Vote for me.”