The owner of the South West’s Premier Music Venue, The Old Jetty Inn, has hit out at other Public Houses in the town claiming that they are all conspiring to close him down.
Singing Landlord, Tom Portman, said “All the other pubs in Smalltown are currently engaged in a price war – with two pubs in particular lowering their prices to try to drive custom to their pubs.
It’s disgraceful. They are trying to take business away from me. If this is allowed to carry on then all the other pubs in Smalltown will close, leaving only the two main aggressors in this fight able to open their doors. Once that happens you can be sure they will then inflate their prices again. The only losers in this battle will be the customers. And me.
It’s hard enough to run the South West’s Premier Music Venue, offering live music every day – even if that means I have to sing every night – without having the worry of having to sell beer at a competitive price.
Where else can you see new music and the best tribute bands other than paying £25 a ticket at the White Elephant Enclosure and no one really wants to do that, do they?”
In the interests of fair journalism, SomersetClive visited all the other pubs in Smalltown to see if they were similarly affected.
The George Hotel in George Street said “We also have live bands and the pub is always packed out at the weekend.”
At the Tramway pub in Main Street a Spokesperson said “We try to keep our beer prices in line with other pubs in town. January and February are always quiet months, but we make up for that slow trade during the summer holiday season. Meantime, our travelling tobacco salesman, who can be found in our beer garden at weekends, helps to bring in trade.”
Further down Main Street at The Sad and Desperate we were told “We’ve only just taken over here, and are still building up trade, but this was previously a successful pub under the last tenants, so there’s no reason to think it won’t be again.
Meanwhile, the previous tenents of the Sad and Desperate, who now run the Iron Lady on Smalltown Seafront said “First we’ve heard of a price war. We haven’t found it that quiet at all, but then we did bring all our regulars with us when we left our last establishment.”
Finally (and luckey for ush bechaush it wash are fiffffth ping o’bear) bar staff at the Willow Arms said “No. Not guilty. We recently put our prices up. Of course, you have to be very fit to drink in here because our toilets are three miles away, but we do sell the cheapest beer in Smalltown.”
After conducting our in depth survey SomersetClive can confirm that the idea of a price war amongst Smalltown Pubs is all in Mr Portman’s head.
Thish haz bin Mr Clive Saintsir, repotting on behath of ShomersethClif.