After a set of linocut engravings emerged of a Christmas party held in the Hayloft Road Palace last Christmas, Squire Teflon has apologised unreservedly about the party which he said definitely didn’t happen and which he didn’t think he attended even though he was invited held in a building he spent much of his time in, plotting (don’t you mean “working for the good of the community?” Ed.).
Squire Teflon added: “I don’t even like cheese and wine, and prefer Albanian whisky and nibble with Mistress Bones, as we all know”
Extricating herself from the front axle of the bus she had been thrown under and clutching a receipt totalling £94 for 12 bottles of Peruvian Merlot and two pounds of mild Cheddar, the SaDTC Social Media Uproar Genius (SMUG) looked a little dazed and muttered something about “knowing where the bodies had been buried” before telling the SomersetClive reporter she would “do the Squire up like a kipper and he’d better watch himself.”
Smalltown’s Media Tycoon, Mike Newell responded to suggestions that something might have been amiss at the party that didn’t happen and which may or may not have been attended by his ace reporter Linda Cantsblag, by publishing a nice picture of a kitten.
Mrs Ethel Generic-Local said that while she was disappointed that she had sat on her own with a sprig of holly stuck in an out of date Lidi pork pie and glass of Polish sherry watching re-runs of Mrs Browns Boys for three weeks while the Illiberal group had a massive piss-up involving naked twister and gherkins, she would continue to support the Squire because: “he’s got a nice smile.”
What about this Monday’s party?
No-one told me there was a party on Monday – I’d have happily donned HiVis and provided crowd control and parking management.