CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
The Squire purchased a Princess from Baron McGoat for a single gold coin many years ago and since then the villagers of Smallvillia and Dullford have paid through the nose for this folly.
Princess Wranglers have been and gone, trying to tame the Princess and bring her spending under control, but to no avail. What can be done?
Act Two. Scene Three.
Hayloft Road Palace. After fighting a successful campaign against the Squire of Teflon and his troops, Tweedledee (Cllr Banish Barracuda) is sat at the table in the Squire of Teflon’s chair. Only a handful of the Squire’s cronies remain. Tweedledee’s troops all bear the expression of a rabbit caught in the headlights. Tweedledee rises from the chair and begins to sing.
Dee – Well, well, well, I must confess
I didn’t realise this was such a mess.
We need to make some things clear
No one realised just how dear
That Princess has become
And our mentor Tweedledum
Wants to keep her, whatever the cost.
Alas, alack all hope is lost.
Merchant of Doom and Gloom (Cllr. Patsy Knickers) – The situation is quite dire
We’ve been left deep in the mire
All this spending just on fun
It’s wrong. It really shouldn’t be done.
The current cost of living crisis
Will see a rise in many prices
The Princess is a major strain
And all our resources she will drain
Dee – We should summon the Princess Wrangler of the Order First
To ask how these losses can be reversed.
The Magnificent Princess Wrangler of the First Order (Debby Karmary) enters stage left. She dances around a visibly nervous Tweedledee.
Karmary – I understand that you want to know
How to make the cost of the Princess low?
I think you need to understand
That your wish isn’t my command.
Your Princess has had a tough couple of years
It’ll take more time before it clears
But I’m sure that with more cash her fortune
Will no doubt begin to burgeon.
Dee – Okay, then perhaps you can
Furnish us with a business plan?
Karmary – If you want a business plan
Then I will need another man
To do my work promoting the Princess fair
To do that job I cannot bear.
Dee – You want us to employ more staff?
By jove you’re surely having a laugh?
Karmary – No. More staff is what I require
And I think you’ll find that the Squire
Agrees with this desire.
More staff you simply must hire.
Dee – I’m not sure quite what happened there,
But it seems more money we must spare.
The Princess Wrangler needs an assistant.
She’s really very, very persistent.
And so it seems we have agreed
To give in to the Wrangler’s need.
The lights go down.