The SomersetClive Christmas Pantomime. Act Two. Scene Two.

CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.

Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.

The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.

The Squire purchased a Princess from Baron McGoat for a single gold coin many years ago and since then the villagers of Smallvillia and Dullford have paid through the nose for this folly.

Princess Wranglers have been and gone, trying to tame the Princess and bring her spending under control, but to no avail. What can be done?

Act Two. Scene Two.
The village green. Tweedledee (Cllr. Banish Barracuda) and Tweedledum (ex-Councillor Fencesitter) are deep in conversation.

DumSo I’ve rounded up a whole bunch of ex-School tutors to help you in the quest to wrest Hayloft Palace from the Squire’s grasp.

DeeThat’s good news. Do any of them know what they are doing?

DumWell no, but not knowing what I’m doing has never stopped me doing it. And I made a really good job of pretending I knew what I was doing without actually doing it. All any of them need is the ability to waffle on about something and to sound knowledgeable, but without actually saying or doing anything meaningful. I’ve been doing that for years. It’s the sort of thing that ex-school tutors are really good at doing. Don’t do it, just talk about doing it.

DeeThat’s excellent advice. I think even I could manage that. Talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk.

DumYes, as George Bernard Shaw said ‘Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.’. Besides they are all incredibly full of their own self-importance which means that although none of them have any real experience of life outside of the school gates they think they do and that’s what matters. Plus, they are used to dealing with children and that could come in useful when they face one of the Squire of Teflon’s tantrums.

DeeA very good point indeed. One thing that concerns me though. If we take Hayloft Palace will we end up with the Squire’s Princess? I’m not sure we really want the Princess, do we?

DumWhat? Yes. We most certainly DO want the Princess. My father always wanted a Princess and I promised him that I would do everything I could to keep the Princess. You will do NOTHING to upset the Princess. I know she’s expensive and I know the villagers are fed up of paying for her upkeep, so it may be better if we don’t talk about the Princess, other than to tell the villagers that we understand they have concerns about paying for the Princess.

DeeSo we concentrate on other things? Climate change, buses and bicycles. All the things school tutors love.

DumPrecisely. No need to mention the Princess at all. We can leave her in peace to sit around and look pretty. No need to mention her at all. The villages probably won’t even notice our silence.

Lights fade.

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