CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
Act One. Scene Six
The lights go up. The Squire of Teflon is addressing his cronies once again.
Squire – The new Princess Wrangler has left.
Crony D (Cllr Dick Trolley) – Already? He was only here for four months. Is our Princess really that difficult? What happened?
Squire – I don’t want to talk about it.
Trolley – But what are we going to do now? You’ve only owned her for two years and already two Princess Wranglers have quit.
Squire – I’m going to get another Princess Wrangler. But in the meantime my Page Boy, Vague Penny, will be charge of feeding her. He knows how to deal with her temperamental moods.
Lights dim.
Lights go up again, Squire speaks to his cronies once again.
Squire – Ladies and gentlemen, the new Princess Wrangler.
Enter Pam Pickles. She takes the Squire’s hand and they dance.
Squire – I have to say that I rather fear,
My prior mistakes were having men here.
I need a figure from the female race
To help my Princess the world to face.
Yes, a woman will know what my Princess desires
(Do you do a BOGOF offer for Squires?)
Pam – Thank you Squire, I’m very excited
To be your wrangler I’m delighted
Your Princess has much to offer
Even though she’s a lot of bother.
Squire – Oh Pam, I think you could be the person
To make sure my Princess doesn’t worsen.
Perhaps together we could travel
To find out how this mystery to unravel
How do other Squires make their Princesses pay?
There really, really must be a way.
We can travel near and far,
We’ll go together in my car.
Pam – I’ll make a, start, I’ll make a list
Of people and places who can help with this
But first your Princess lacks some style
She needs more money to make her smile.
New shoes and a brand new dress
Those things will help make her impress
She’s currently rather dull and drab
Got any money I can grab?
Squire – Money? Here take the lot.
It’s quite a bit and all I’ve got.
But if you can turn around her luck
And make it look like I’ve not stuck
The Village with a monumental disaster
And people will stop laughing at their Master.
The music fades, The Squire hands Pam a huge sack of gold coins and she pirouettes offstage.
The cronies are looking aghast at the Squire.
Crony E (Cllr Handy Pennyfarthing) – MORE money! Are you sure Squire? Perhaps we should think about giving Baron McGoat his Princess back? She seems to be costing us an awful lot of money.
Squire – NO. She is MY Princess. I’m keeping her. Besides Baron McGoat said he wouldn’t take her back.
Cllr Pennyfarthing – I’m just not sure we can afford her. Our coffers are looking rather empty.
Squire – SEND OUT MY TAX COLLECTORS. Make the peasants pay for her. So what if all they can afford to do is look at her?
The llights dim.