Victorious England Krikkit Captain Joss Valet remains almost unknown in his own county.
Despite leading his team of Krikkiters, (a game that involves hitting a ball with a plank of wood) to victory in some world cup or other, Valet has been largely ignored by the media in Somerset, even though he comes from here. Any other sports person with the vaguest of connections with the county, such as in horseshoe throwing or who is a fighter in one of three competing obscure martial arts disciplines, is usually feted to the stars.
Joss Valet grew up in Wedless, which is the only village in England with special smoked salmon and prosecco pipelines, delivering essential supplies to the village’s “ladies who lunch” from the Easton-under-Water branch of Waitrosebud.
He began his career playing for the village Krikkit team, before becoming one of the county’s foremost catchers of balls and of hitting them with bits of wood. Valet then became captain of the English Krikkit team and won his country a cup of some kind, unlike the England kick-the-ball captain, Harry Abel, who has so far managed to win, erm, nothing, but is still front page news.
Under a code of secrecy, Somerset’s media haven’t mentioned it. The Bristol Broadcasting Corporation says their main reporter, Max Mountain, is doing another interminable report on doctors and isn’t available. Meanwhile the well-known and much-loved amateur news source Somerset Deadoralive has also failed to mention that THE CAPTAIN OF A NATIONAL SPORTS TEAM IS FROM THEIR AREA FOR GOODNESS SAKE and won a cup of some kind.
A spokesdrone from Somerset Deadoralive said: “Have I missed some news with a tenuous local slant? Did he go out with Katie Price at any point? Never mind, here’s a story about a woman from Solihull who has invented a new way of buttering bread. What happens next will astound you. And look at this picture of a house for sale”
A reporter from sister publication Bristol Deadoralive said: “Who?”
Former Krikkiter Baron Liam Beefham, who is from Cheesehire but everyone thinks is from Somerset, is 94.