The annual Smalltown & Dullbridge Illiberal Christmas Extravaganza (SaD ICE) has taken place. Guests of honour were Squire Teflon and his close-friend Mistress Bones presiding over their SaD puppets.
Concerns have been raised to SomersetClive about the venue as the event did not take place in either Smalltown or Dullbridge showing great disrespect for the 94 hospitality establishments in the local area. Eyebrows have also been raised over the cost of the Extravaganza. For what is essentially a three-course set Christmas menu, the fee was £94.
It also appears that not all Illiberal party members were invited to the exclusive anual soiree, with all event organisation taking place via yet another secret LotsCrap group. It is speculated that only fully signed-up acolytes of the Squire were welcome.
The entertainment for the evening started with a communal recital of the Squire’s Prayer:
“The Squire is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest alley, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Trad. arr. Teflon
An initiation ceremony was due to be held for new illiberals, but there were none. The Squire, apparently somewhat worse for wear, proposed a toast: “Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.”
With attendees somewhat shocked, SaD ICE closed immediately thereafter.