Real reason TUMPS scrapped?

Rumours have been circulating in Smalltown and Dullbridge as to the real reason the decision was taken to scrap the SaD Town Council Town Unimprovements Committee.

After an eight minute discussion during which no one really seemed to have any idea as to why there was a Town Unimprovements Committee in the first place, as nobody could remember anything that the Committee had ever done to improve Smalltown and had never so much as even included Dullbridge in any improvement discussions ever, the nine SaD Town Councillors present at the Full Town Council meeting at the end of February agreed that there was no point in having a TUMPS Committee.

However, it has since been revealed that the move was originally suggested by Deputy Dictator Cruella Sherry and backed by Dictator Dullard as part of their scheme for full domination of Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council.

Regular readers of SomersetClive may remember that during the previous SaD TC Full Council meeting in January, Councillor Jock ‘Balcony’ McCads successfully gained a seat on the TUMPS Committee, after spending over a year in the wilderness as part of his punishment for sexually harassing the Smalltown and Dullbridge Smalltown Administration Deputy (SADSAD), Eileen Mutton.

Having been banned from the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others), gaining a position on the TUMPS Committee was seen as the first step on the road to full rehabilition and forgiveness from the SaD BeFuddled Party.

It has long been known that Deputy Dictator Sherry was annoyed that Cllr McCads had refused to resign from the BeFuddled Party and that the male BeFuddled members refused to back her attempts to expel him from the Party, so it was only natural that she would be further annoyed by McCads securing a seat on a Committee.

Unable to prevent him from being appointed to TUMPS, Deputy Dictator Sherry took the only possible route open to ensure that Cllr McCads was kept away from SaDTC – she decided that the answer was to scrap TUMPS.

Decisions regarding any possible Unimprovements in Smalltown will now become the remit of the unelected body Same Old Smalltown and in Dullbridge the role will be left to the unelected body Our Dullbridge. Many will say this is much better than leaving it to SaD Councillors.

And so we bid farewell to the committee which brought us the missing ‘Welcome to Smalltown’ sign, golden pavements, the World’s Most Expensive Christmas Trees and where the idea of Squire Teflon’s close-friend and employer, Mistress Bones’ World Record Breaking Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink was first introduced.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *