Opening a new pizza shop?
Opening a door?
Opening the fridge to see what is inside?
Opening a zip?
Opening a packet of biscuits?
Opening an envelope?
Opening a tin?
Opening your eyes?
Opening a drawer?
Opening a crisp packet?
Opening a suitcase?
Opening the curtains?
Opening a bottle?
Opening your purse?
Opening a window?
Opening a box?
Opening your mouth?
Why not invite BeFuddled Party Prospective Missing Person for the Smalltown and Dullbridge, Fridgpond Unitary Constituency (SaDFUC), Clara Scullery, along to help you?
Clara is available to help any resident who needs to open anything at all, in exchange for promoting herself on her social media pages and a photograph of her joining you as you open anything that takes your fancy.
See what other local residents have to say about Clara:
Mr Arthur Brain, 98, of Fridgpond said “I booked Clara to come along and open a bottle of pills for me. Before I knew it she had turned up with several photographers in tow, opened my bottle, given me two pills and smiled for the photo. I tried to book her to cone back again to administer my second dose, but she said it’s only one photo opportunity per person.”
Mr S. Teflon of Smalltown said “I asked Clara to help me open the door to my close-friend and employer Mistress Bones Newspaper and Tat Emporium, because I’d forgotten my keys, after a bit of a sesh the previous night. She’s a lovely girl, and very good at picking locks, but she’s no Penny Mortuary and on that basis I’m only going to give her one. Star.”
Mrs Elsie Crevice from Dullbridge said “I didn’t actually book Clara, but when I tried to open my bag for life at the checkout in Asdal, she suddenly appeared from nowhere, elbowed me out of the way and ripped the bag out of my hand. Then she opened it and placed it on the conveyor belt. I told her I was going to call security and she called me an ungrateful cow and stole my carrier bag.”
Don’t miss out! Book Clara today.
(All dates and times currently available.)