SomersetClive has the scoop the Smalltown and Dullbridge Weekly Snooze and Media Mogul Mike Maxman’s award-winning website (Ed – seriously Steve, he has had plenty of opportunities to contact you to offer you a job, he hasn’t, so stop with the creepy references) desperately wanted.
We, and only we, have managed to track down one of the strange beings which have been plaguing Smalltown for almost a week. Our fearless reporter, Steve Gull, caught one of the creatures in a fishing net after cornering it behind the wheelie bins in the G.W.Hurling staff car park.
Steve brings you his exclusive interview here.
Hello! Who are you and where are you from.
Greetings earthling. My name is Mr Extra Terrestrial and I am from a planet outside of your solar system.
How did you get here?
We have been visiting Smalltown and Dullbridge for many time periods. We have been fascinated by the way the towns remain exactly as they were the first time we saw them. Nothing has changed here for billionnials. This week, for the first time ever we landed on your beach as we needed to take something important from you.
Really? Were you seeking to abduct some residents to probe for signs of life or to analyse our superior brain power?
No. We had already ascertained that there is very little life in Smalltown and our brains are massive – that’s why our heads are so big. No, we had a far more important mission.
Can you tell me what that is?
Yes, I can, because we have had to abort the mission. We came here to harvest your sun. We are running out of sun on our home planet and so we came to get yours.
Unfortunately, when we landed on your beach it became apparent that our plan was destined to failure because everywhere we looked there were signs warning of our intentions. These signs were so prolific that they formed an invisible barrier around the towns, preventing us from harvesting the sun.
Now, if you don’t mind, can I borrow your phone? I want to go home.