SaD Town councillors magnanimously agree to ‘think about it’

The application from RapidProfits Events to hold an Intergalactic Food, Drink, Craft and Tat Marketfair was considered by the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SAD) Town Council Town Unimprovements Committee last night.

The company had submitted a request to hold the Marketfair on Smalltown Seafront over five days in August and claimed that events they currently hold in other towns see an increase in footfall as visitors and residents enjoy the opportunity to do something different. A previous application last year was rejected by SaD Town Councillors who said at the time that they really didn’t want to see anything new in Smalltown.

At the start of the meeting, Squire Teflon’s arch nemesis Business Tycoon Lex Turkey addressed the meeting to advise them that there had actually been a similar market held in Smalltown in previous years, which had seen a boost to existing traders and that perhaps SaD TC could consider accepting the proposal, as sometimes it can be good to try something different for a change. If it wasn’t too much trouble and if the Council was actually minded to make a decision for once.

Councillor Banish Barracuda welcomed the new application saying “I errrm understand that errrm our residents would errrm like to see something errrm new for once.

Whether this is errrm the right sort of errrm new I don’t errrrm know. It’s quite a errrrm big change. Perhaps errrm we should errrm look into it and errrrm think and errrm talk about errm it errrm some more. Errrm we don’t want to errrrm rush into errrm these things.

If anyone is errm interested I have errm produced an errrm overly-complicated errrm pie-chart, detailing errrm the number of errrrm residents who would like to errrm see change in errrrm Smalltown. “

As anticipated, Squire Teflon was against the idea. “My close-friend and employer Mistress Bones of the Newspaper and Tat Emporium has enough trouble getting customers into her shop as it is. And Lady Brassy of Easton-under-Water doesn’t like this idea either, so you can take it as read that the traders in Smalltown are against this.

If we give permission for this to go ahead all the shops in Smalltown will close their doors, pull down the shutters and cease trading, because they won’t make any money at all ever again. Is that what you want? Because that’s what will happen.

We shouldn’t be offering our residents and visitors the chance to buy something different from the usual goods in Smalltown. We shouldn’t be offering them the choice. They need to spend their money in our shops. Especially Mistress Bones Newspaper and Tat Emporium.

Why does it need to be in August? That’s the peak period for Mistress Bones. If this company are so confident that this market will increase the number of visitors why don’t they hold it in at a quieter time? Say a wet Wednesday afternoon in November. Preferably in Scaborough.

Official Fun Police Officer Councillor Patsy Knickers said “I’m not sure about this application at all. It almost sounds as if it could be fun. I really don’t think we should be encouraging that sort of thing without first discussing the amount of fun this could be.”

Professional Councillor Mark Facelift, who had been dragged away from sitting in front of his cosy fire at home in Fridgpond, to shore up Squire Teflon’s Illiberal vote against the proposal agreed saying “Squire Teflon is quite right. Allowing this application to go ahead would see the death of Main Street. Look what happened in Dullbridge when they took the market away. People stopped shopping in the town.”

Councillor Catty Staring made a rare comment “We should find out exactly what sort of stalls will be involved and what they are selling. If it’s stuff already on sale in Smalltown then we shouldn’t allow it.”

Squire Teflon then revealed that Mistress Bones and Lady Brassy, working under the guise of the Smalltown Shops (SS) group are already working on a plan for a market of their own, with the stalls populated by existing shops in the town. “The only traders that will be allowed to operate in the new market in Smalltown are traders who already have a shop in Smalltown. They will be able to sell a range of products which they already sell, but from a table under a gazebo. That’s the sort of idea we need to bring visitors into Smalltown.”

The Squire then proposed that the Council go back to the organisers to ascertain the exact set up of the market, asking that it be held on a date when there were very few people about and specifying that no goods similar to those sold in the Newspaper and Tat Emporium were included. Teflon then proceeded to conduct a vote on his proposal, which was passed.

At this point, Chair of the TUMPS Committee Councillor Jim Rabbithole woke up and added “So that’s agreed then. We will think and talk about it some more. Thank you Squire, you’ve done an excellent job of chairing this meeting and have given us BeFuddleds the chance to stay on our fences.”

The final decision rests with the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council, who are likely to look at the proposal in terms of pound signs and totally ignore SaD TC’s opinions.

One thought on “SaD Town councillors magnanimously agree to ‘think about it’

  1. just vote and let us have something different in town. love the (hold it another time bit) not in the holidays what about the food festival it is always held on a bank holiday when loads of people are here.not when it could bring more people into town.

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