SomersetClive Editor a ‘killjoy’

The Editor of SomersetClive, Mr Clive Saint, Sir, has been described as a ‘killjoy‘ by several members of staff who wish to remain anonymous.

The news comes after a group of whistleblowers within the CliveGroup revealed that Mr Clive Saint, Sir, has declared that, as of December 26th 2023, all staff parties are banned.

It is believed that the shock move came after several members of staff let their hair down, consumed more than their body weight in alcohol and ate far too many vol-au-vents, before locking the SomersetClive Head of IT (SHIT) into the stationery cupboard with Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillor, Robb Apprentice-Candlestick Maker.

This resulted in the SHIT remaining in close confines with Cllr Apprentice-Candlestick Maker until the SomersetClive office reopened on 2nd January.

Unfortunately, having spent so long in the company of Cllr Apprentice-Candlestick Maker, the SHIT was only able to talk gibberish and almost immediately changed all the passwords on the SomersetClive IT system to something that he subsequently was unable to remember.

The problem had to be escalated to a specialist team who were able to ascertain that the new password was ‘IMeMyselfPersonallyAmAWasteOfSpace94‘ The specialist team have now secured the system, with new passwords for all. The SHIT is currently sporting a rather fetching white jacket and is now able to nod at people through the window in his comfy padded cell. He is unable to wave, as his hands have been secured behind his back to prevent any accidents.

The SomersetClive staff wish him all the best and apologise for any inconvenience they may have inadvertently caused.

A petition to reinstate the SomersetClive Staff Christmas Party has been started and has do far attracted 93 signatures.

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