As it teeters in the edge of bankruptcy the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Scrooge Cuonty Council (ANYUSSC) has spent the week wasting time and money interfering with things.
First, the BeFuddled controlled Council spent some time advising the world-famous Dalstonbury Festival on the best way to run a Festival – no doubt inspired by Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard, who brought her un-needed Climate Rescue Action Plan (CRAP) Festival to Smalltown and Dullbridge, as well as ANYUSSC’s own practically unattended Festival of Nothing.
Council officers at ANYUSSC, together with members of the Community Scrutiny Committee issued a set of recommendations to the Dalstonbury Festival organisers, detailing ways they could do better when organising the already sold-out Festival.
The raft of improvements included better toilets, improved crowd control and – scraping the bottom of the barrel to find ways to justify the £32,000 cost of the licence – issuing advice to ticket-holders who may be allergic to cows.
Having congratulated themselves for a job well done, ANYUSSC then turned their attention to a popular footpath in Barrow, with officers deciding that it should be closed after finding that the wooden boardwalk, which takes walkers across the more marshy parts of Smalltown and Barrow Golf Course, can get slippery when it rains.
Having closed the footpath, which gives access from Barrow to the beach, officers confirmed that it would be shut for a minimum of six months whilst ANYUSCC try to work out where to find the money to repair it. It is thought that the footpath will be unlikely to ever open again.
Meanwhile, ANYUSCC suitcase holder for the Environment, Climate Change and Home Owners (ECCHO) BeFuddled Councillor Dixie Chicks, oversaw circulation of a Press Release to the media, reminding Somerset residents to recycle their Christmas Tree after the festivities are over.
Councillor Chicks said “Residents may not be aware of this, but come Twelfth night, they will need to take down their Christmas tree and pack away the lights and decorations for another year. As we only collect trees from households with one of our very expensive kerbside green waste collection badges, the vast majority of residents will need to organise its disposal themselves.
So instead, why not dump it in a corner of your back garden and call it a ‘Haven for Wildlife’.”
Finally, ANYUSCC Councillors spent time as peacemakers, issuing an action plan to bring an end to all wars and calling for Peace on Earth.
An ANYUSSC spokesperson said “We may only be a small tinpot Council in an overlooked part of Great Britain, desperately trying to seek ways to reduce our budget after wasting money on ridiculous ideas, but it’s important that we spend time and money on things which are completely beyond our control.
Calling for world peace and to restore stability is a great example of what this Council has been doing. Who knows, we may even get a Novel Peace Prize for this, not to mention being invited to join the United Nations.”
Four very good reasons why ANYUSCC needs to devolve services to local village and town councils to be able to balance its books.