Criminal Police Commissioner Mike Shellfish is seeking the views of residents in Smalltown and Dullbridge to his proposal to increase the police portion of Council Tax ny an extra £10 for an average property, however Mr Shellfish would actually like even MORE money and has therefore created a survey, the results of which he will no doubt ignore, as he has done with all the previous surveys he has conducted.
Mr Shellfish defended the proposed rise saying “Our current budget forecast shows’that a £10 increase in Council Tax funding means that we will have to make huge savings and a rise of only £10 will see us having to lose around 250 members of staff. Therefore I would rather increase our proportion of the precept by £20 per household, which would only see us having to lose 50 staff members.
I know some people say that policemen are rare and you never see one, but you have even less chance of seeing someone who has purchased a ticket for an event at the White Elephant Enclosure, which already costs Smalltown and Dullbridge a large proportion of their Council Tax.
Somerset Police are facing a huge budget deficit next year and job losses will be inevitable. Obviously an easy saving would be to do away with the office of Criminal Police Commissioner, but if we do that who will appear in public to persuade the electorate to vote for the Illiberal Party’s Lord Rashley Pox?
My aappearance alongside Smalltown’s Squire Teflon and his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones did wonders for their election campaign.
If I don’t increase your Council Tax then you are unlikely to ever see a Policeman again, and I’m sure no one wants that, do they? “
The survey, which should take a few minutes to complete, is below. All answers should be completed with an orange ball point pen. Answers not completed in orange ball point will be ignored.
Questions
- Are you human? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Do you know what a Policeman is? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Have you ever seen a Policeman? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Have you ever asked a Policeman for directions? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Have you ever asked a Policeman the time? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Do you enjoy watching Police/crime drama on the television? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Have you ever been a victim of crime? YES/NO
(Respondees answering YES to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Have you ever dialled 999 and had a response within minutes? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Have you ever seen a Policeman laugh? YES/NO
(Respondees answering NO to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Did you know that I laugh every time I check my bank balance because I’m doing a job that no one believes is necessary and I get paid shed loads of money for nothing? YES/NO
(Respondees answering YES to the above question need NOT continue with this survey) - Are you happy to pay more money for me to continue to keep getting paid money for old rope? YES/NO
(Only the opinions of Respondees answering YES to the above question will be included in this survey’s results) - Is there anyone left to still respond to this survey? Your opinions matter. YES/NO
(Respondees answering YES to the above question need NOT continue with this survey)