Smalltown’s Christmas Lights Switch on event will take place in George Street tomorrow and a Massive Crowd is expected to attend.
The event will see George Street closed to traffic and a stage erected outside the George Hotel. All the usual traditional attractions will be taking place including music from the Smalltown Town Band, local groups and schools with plenty of festive carols being sung.
Father Christmas will be handing out presents from 3pm and a very short Lantern Parade will take place at 5.20pm, with the Crowd expected to reach the stage in George Street by 6.00pm
Then it’s ‘Lights, Cameras and Action!’ as the lights will be formally switched on by an actual, genuine, real-life, once-a-celebrity, last seen on television as a contestant on ‘Come Skating on Thin Ice‘, which was filmed at Squire Teflon’s close-friend and employer Mistress Bones’ World Record Breaking Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink.
Unfortunately Dictator Dullard will also be taking to the stage and residents have been warned that she is likely to patronisingly drone on for some time. Dictator Dullard is predicated to say ‘” am pleased to be here to switch on my Christmas Lights and I think everything is good.” in as many permutations as possible and even a few impossible ones as well.
There is also a very strong possibility that Dictator Dullard will attempt to politicise the event, as she did in Dullbridge, by introducing the BeFuddled Party’s Prospective Missing Person for the Smalltown and Dullbridge, Fridgpond Unitary Constituency (SaDFUC), Clara Scullery. Residents are reminded that stocks of festive red tomatoes can be purchased at all good local purveyors of fruit and vegetables.
It has been claimed that this year’s lights in Smalltown will rival London’s Poxford Street display, as Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council has spent £21,000 on them, with the same sum also due to be handed over in 2024 and 2025.
Having been procured at a reasonable cost, the Christmas Tree outside the George Hotel will once again be the centre of the festivities, as it has been since the very first Smalltown Christmas Lights Switch On held in February 1328. Meanwhile, the SaDTC Christmas Tree which, together with the Dullbridge Christmas Tree, holds the epitaph of ‘The World’s Most Expensive Christmas Tree’, will remain lonely and deserted at the furthest possible site away from the event in Jetty Street.
The event has been organised by the Smalltown Chamber of Trade, which this year have not been made to pretend that they are working with Mistress Bones and Lady Brassy’s Smalltown Shops (SS) group, as the latter decided not to bother with a Christmas event this year.
Hopefully the event will not see a repeat of the Fridgpond Switch On Event a few years ago, a recording of which went viral, after the lights came on before Squire Teflon officially pressed the button. A case of Premature Electrification.