SaDTC to think and talk about purchase

Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council’s Finance and Misappropriation Committee will tonight discuss the possibility of purchasing an old, really dilapidated building to replace their current old and merely dilapitated building. The scheme, which was first suggested by Former-Councillor Fencesitter, will see the creation of a new Smalltown Culture, Recreation and Pleasure Palace (SCRAPP).

A SaD Town Council spokesperson said “When Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator, Cllr Kelsey Dullard, first set foot in the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) she was horrified by the condition of the building.

Far from being the lovely school premises, which she was expecting, she did not find it good to have to attend meetings in a former Lunatic Asylum.

She immediately started looking around for a more appropriate setting for her meetings. This led to an experiment hiring the school halls at Queen Ethelred’s and Chapelmeadows. It quickly became apparent that there was no money in the budget to pay to hire alternative venues, particularly when we already have a suitable facility.

Instead, Dictator Dullard felt that the best thing we could do would be to sell Hayloft Road Palace and purchase the rundown old school opposite the White Elephant Enclosure.”

SaD Town Council has entered negotiations with the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council with a view to purchasing the property and will then sell Hayloft Road Palace to anyone who might want to pay the uneconomical price to convert the building into housing. The Town Council will then spend even more money to convert the old school, which occupies a valuable piece of brown field prime land in Smalltown Town centre.

Town Councillors will discuss whether or not to spend money on a structural survey of the old school as well as invite tenders from building companies willing to charge over the odds to convert the building into offices.

Currently there is no money available in the budget to cover the costs and so funding will have to come from other budgets and bank accounts. This will undoubtedly lead to an increase in the Council Tax precept for next year, at a time when residents are already feeling the economic pinch due to the cost of living crisis. However, as has already been shown by SaD Town Council’s willingness to pay over the odds for Christmas Trees, it is believed that the BeFuddled Party has no problem spending other people’s money on what could be described as yet another pet project.

It is expected that as well as spending on a survey and all the other costs associated with purchasing and converting the building, Dictator Dullard will also want the offices furnished with the latest ergonomically designed, state of the art desks and chairs, as the old furniture will look out of place in the new building.

Residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge have previously asked why the Town Council can’t just move into the White Elephant Enclosure, with Councillors refusing to discuss the matter because they are too busy trying to pretend they know how to run an entertainment venue.

The Finance and Misappropriation Committee are expected to agree to recommend to the Full Council that £2, 940 be spent on the survey. It is widely expected that Squire Teflon and his following of Illiberal Councillors will agree with the recommendation, prior to the Squire blasting the BeFuddleds a few days later for wasting more money on ridiculous ideas.

By the time agreement has been reached with ANYUSCC it is likely that the BeFuddleds will have lost control of SaDTC and the idea of moving the council offices will be consigned to the bin.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *