More Love in a Smalltown

In the first volume of Steven C. Gull’s long-running saga we heard how Squire Teflon helped Mistress Bones with funding for her dream to bring a World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink to Smalltown, in return for a favour or two or 16,000. They had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from significant others, friends and the residents and electorate of Smalltown.

In Volume Two – More Love in a Smalltown – we rejoin the dynamic duo to find that they have successfully fiddled the figures to convince everyone that the Rink was such a success that they will be doing it again. Unfortunately some residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge are not happy to see their money spent on yet another vanity project and have been rather vocal in their objections. But Mistress Bones has a plan to make people like them again

Chapter Twelve

Squire Teflon had a spring in his step as he strode purposely along Jetty Street. He fancied that he was exuding an air of ‘Sophisticated and Suave Man About Town’. In reality he looked more like a photocopier salesman who had put his Y-Fronts on backwards. Which was actually what he was.

As he approached Mistress Bones’ Newspaper and Tat Emporium he furtively looked around and, once satisfied the coast was clear, scurried quickly past the pile of plastic beach balls and bucket and spades which almost blocked the doorway and ducked inside.

Good morning, my love” he called out approaching the shop counter, “and how’s my Page Three Girl today?”

Mistress Bones cackled coquettishly “Oh Squire, you do say the funniest things!”

“I’m being serious. Haven’t you looked at a copy of the latest Smalltown Weekly Snooze?”

“I glanced at the front page to check the headlines. Only the usual stuff. A missing cat, a Smalltown resident celebrating his 106th birthday and a 35 minute power cut. Oh, and it’s going to rain. All very interesting as usual, but no mention of you.”

“So you didn’t look inside?”


“Well have I got a surprise for you!”

“Not again. I’m still saddle sore from the last time.”

The Squire grabbed a copy of the paper, opened it with a flourish and placed it on the counter in front of his secret lover. “There you are. You. On Page Three. The perfect place for you.”

Mistress Bones squealed with excitement. “It’s me. I’m on Page Three. ME! Oh read it to me please Squirey. What does it say?”

Squire Teflon turned the paper round to face him and cleared his throat. “One of the longest-running community events in the Smalltown social calendar has been saved from the axe…”

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