Mayor reveals major plan

Artist impression of the new Porland Hub

Trustees for the Porland Community Hub have released plans for a major rebuild of the facilities in Dullbridge.

Home to a multitude of local groups and users, the Community Hub is currently housed in a ramshackle old ‘temporary’ building which last saw better days in 1994.

Plans have now been unveiled to replace the building with a modern new building, which will have level floors and won’t look as if it is about to collapse at any minute.

Unveiling the bright, shiny new plans trustee Tony Haddock said “It is an exciting project that will deliver a modern new building that will give us 94 per cent more space than the current premises.

Porland Community Hall has been at the heart of the community for over 194 years and is a much loved and much used facility, despite being constantly overlooked for funding from Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council, Sadgebore District Council and the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council.”

Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Kelsey Dullard managed to find her way to the meeting where the new plans were revealed and said “I think this is a good idea and it is lovely of me to come along here today to support it.

When Councillor Robert NotBothered first told me about the meeting I had said that I thought I’d be washing my hair, but once he told me there was a strong possibility that there would be a photo opportunity I wasted no time in clearing my diary to ensure I would be available.

I’m so glad I made the effort, because I’ve been able to muscle my way in and I think this could be a good opportunity for me to raise my profile in Dullbridge.

In fact, I was so sure that this project would be useful to me in terms of my need for glory that I took over the meeting and talked about it for ages.

I think this project could be good and it could provide many good activities for lovely people of all ages. I think the new accommodation will give me the opportunity to develop photo opportunities further – waving a cheque for funding, laying the first brick, cutting the ribbon to open it, drinking lovely cups of tea, the possibilities are endless.

I’m really pleased to be able to offer my support to this project, because there’s no doubt that being able to add the line ‘Supported by Smalltown and Dullbridge Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard‘ on the top of any paperwork will instantly open doors to funding which would otherwise remain closed.

I think it will be very difficult for the group to obtain the funding for this, but it is the sort of thing that the new Smalltown Town Bored could get involved in, even though their remit is to improve Smalltown and nothing to do with Dullbridge whatsoever.

It would be good to get the local school children involved too. I could run a competition for them to design the new facilities and give them all a badge for entering.

Yes. The opportunities are endless.”

Councillor Robert NotBothered attempted to get a word in to highlight his own involvement in the project and boost his profile, but Dictator Dullard fixed him with a steely eye, frowned and shook her head firmly.

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