In the first volume of Steven C. Gull’s long-running saga we heard how Squire Teflon helped Mistress Bones with funding for her dream to bring a World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink to Smalltown, in return for a favour or two or 16,000. They had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from significant others, friends and the residents and electorate of Smalltown.
Following a hugely unsuccessful opening event, which attracted huge amounts of Town Council funding and small crowds, the World Record Beating Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink opened and, a few short weeks later, closed again.
We rejoin the dynamic duo to find them having adjusted the figures to made a silk purse out of an elephant’s ear and have managed to convince everyone that the Rink was a huge success. They are now working on a scheme for the return of Mistress Bones Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink.
Unfortunately some residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge are not happy to see their money spent on yet another vanity project and have been rather vocal in their objections, some have even written letters to the local newspapers raising their concerns…
Chapter Eight
Six hours later Squire Teflon returned to the Newspaper and Tat Emporium. He looked somewhat dishevelled and the usually neat row of pens in his shirt pocket were in the wrong order. He put on a brave face as he entered the shop.
“Here you are my little rocks-off cake.” he said as he handed her a piece of paper. “This will stop the endless criticism.”
Mistress Bones began to read
‘Statement from the Smalltown and Dullbridge Duplicated Events Social Team (SADDEST) which is nothing to do with Squire Teflon whatsoever.
Excellent news last night in that the rink will go ahead again this year, great to see all the councillors praising me and all the members of SADDEST for some outstanding hard work and fund raising in 2015.
For them to raise nearly £15k in grant funding themselves was excellent and they deserve great praise.
Well done SADDEST.
Given it was the rinks first year, to be able to run it for a month for the same cost as a 20 minute firework display I feel was good value for money. SADDEST already have enough money to book the rink, and I am looking forward to working with them and my close-friend Mistress Bones in the future.
Just for the record, the initial town council grant, came from earmarked grant reserves unspent from the 2013/14 precept. It had nothing to do with funding in 2014/15 and it certainly has no bearing on any council tax rise in 2016
It seems to me there are a number of people using this letters page to bash the council, what a shame they have to drag a very hard working group of volunteers and my very close-friend Mistress Bones in to this nonsense.‘
“What do you think, my little scone-with-cream-first?” he asked.
“You think this will silence them and stop them claiming that you had a vested interest?”
“I do. They can keep trying to link you and me and saying that as an Illiberal Councillor I’ve abused my position to get funding for an idea promoted by the secretary of the local branch of the Illiberal Party, but all we need to do is keep denying it. They have short memories. It will soon be forgotten.”
Mistress Bones tilted her head to one side and gave her Squire what she hoped was a wistful look “You really are my hero.”
Squire Teflon looked at her and frowned, wondering why she was grimacing at him. Feeling scared he snatched the sheet of paper from her hand “Right. I’ll be off then. Got to get this out to the media. No need to thank me now, you can show your appreciation later.“