Another Dictator Party

Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council, under the direction of Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard, organised and paid for a jolly good knees up to celebrate the recent performances of ‘Hands Up!’ a play performed by paid professionals to celebrate a pile of old wood on Barrow Beach.

Residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge were over the moon to discover that their hard earned Council Tax money had been used to host a party in a local parish which isn’t even in Smalltown and Dullbridge.

Resident Maurice Miner contacted SomersetClive to say “What’s going on? Why are residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge paying for a party in Barrow? Why couldn’t Barrow Parish Council organise their own party, if they wanted one? This would have been another great opportunity to show off the White Elephant Enclosure, and move money around the council accounts from expenditure to income, but instead we’ve put money into a different parish.”

Reader Opal Kadett agreed saying “Does Dictator Dullard even know that Barrow isn’t in her parish? It was bad enough when she chose the Vicar of Barrow Church to be her Mayoral Vicar, when there are more than enough vicars in Smalltown that she could have chosen.

Is she trying to bring Barrow under her control? Lord help them if she is.”

The party was attended by several dignitaries, five of whom were wearing big gold necklaces, although none was as big as Dictator Dullard’s. Unfortunately invitations for members of Barrow Parish Council were said to have been “lost in the post”.

A descendent of the pile of wood who had been flown over from Boreway to watch the play, presented goodie bags which included a picture of the pile of wood to be displayed in Barrow village hall as well as plaques for SaD Town Council, Barrow Parish Council and producer of the play, Maureen Mortice.

A lovely cup of tea, together with cake and biscuits, was served to everyone and Dictator Dullard gave one of her epic lectures to the assembled groups, which turned out to be longer than the longest Borwegian sagas. SomersetClive has printed an abridged version of her lecture below, because we don’t want to be held responsible for our readers losing consciousness.

“I have been privileged to be part of the project, which saw my Council contribute generously twice to the cause, together with other grant funding sources which could have kept the White Elephant Enclosure going for three years, and I have taken great pleasure in watching the drama unfold.

My Civic Reception was a fitting celebration of a historical event that didn’t happen in either Smalltown or Dullbridge, but I’m delighted to have been able up hijack it for the media coverage.

My students were privileged to hear stories of the wreck of the Boredom from history teacher Jim Brickyard and a small number of them completed their own projects based on the story. I will be marking these at a later date.

None of this would have happened without the hard work and dedication of me, although I did get a little bit of help from Maureen. I know Maureen tried very hard to engage the community throughout the process, as engaging the community was part of her remit to achieve the level of grant funding that she obtained. It’s really not Maureen’s fault that the community refused to engage.

The few that did engage felt that they were overlooked in favour of the large number of professionals employed, which is why none of them appear in the photographs, but I should add that show was openly accessible to the whole community. If they could afford the £4 to £20 ticket cost. I understand that this cost was introduced to keep the riff-raff out and that certainly worked.

I am considering introducing a similar scheme for anyone wanting to attend SaD Town Council meetings and, of course, we already operate the same policy at the White Elephant Enclosure.

Well done to everyone involved. You did quite a good job and it is good to see you all here to celebrate. Keep up this level of work and it will be gold stars all round.”

SomersetClive approached Dictator Dullard to ask why SaD residents had paid for her latest party and she told us “They’re not complaining again, are they? Honestly. They really are revolting. Is it because they’ve missed out on FREE cake again? If you ask the Smalltown Administration Guru, Katie Global, she may well know what happened to the leftovers. Let them eat that.”

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