Squire describes perfect SCAM

Squire Teflon has shared his reaction to the new advertisement designed to attract a replacement for his ‘Most Magnificent Employee‘, the Smalltown Culture and Arts Manager (SCAM) at the White Elephant Enclosure.

“You won’t believe it.” Teflon told SomersetClive, “Those idiot BeFuddleds splashed out a load of cash to bring in some Top Secret Consultants to help them understand what the White Elephant Enclosure is.

Well, of course, the first thing I did was take the Top Secret Consultants to one side and tell them all about my vision for the WEE. Then I told them what to write in their report.

I told them all about BeFuddled-Muddled-Barracuda and how he had upset my Most Magnificent Employee so much that she quit and then told them that in my experience the best way forward in these circumstances is to find another Most Magnificent Employee. I’ve had to do that quite a few times now, because none of the White Elephant Handlers previously employed on my recommendation were up to the job.

The Top Secret Consultants then went away and came up with a job description for the vacancy, which was based on all the previous job description I’ve cobbled together in the past, by copying job descriptions from other White Elephant Enclosures.

Then the job description went to Deputy Dictator Cllr Scary-Hairy-Sherry and her Top Secret Human Resources Sub-Committee and she made a few changes to the wording.

What a mess she made of it! She’s made it sound far more complicated than it needs to be. All she had to do was write ‘Must do exactly as Squire Teflon says at all times‘, but instead it’s full of words like ‘successful‘ and ‘‘team player. Ridiculous.

And the salary that’s on offer! Far more than I get from my paper round at my close-friend and employer Mistress Bones Newspaper and Tat Emporium and from being an All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Councillor.

I may apply myself. I’m sure I could do a great job of running the WEE.”

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