Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council is seeking applications for the position of Smalltown Permanent Arts Manager (SPAM) at the White Elephant Enclosure as they search for a suitable replacement for Squire Teflon’s ‘Most Magnificent Employee’, the Smalltown Culture and Arts Manager, Debby Karmary.
With a job description which probably breaks the Trade Description Act and is worthy of complaint to the Advertising Standards Board, the vacancy calls for an ‘enthusiastic and motivated person with experience of handling White Elephants to promote and manage the White Elephant Enclosure in Smalltown‘, describing it as a’ busy venue‘. (Ed – Stop it. I’m laughing so much my sides are splitting.)
The advertisement calls for a candidate with a proven track record in White Elephant management, including marketing Elephant dung, who will be proactive with excellent organisation, administrative and report writing skills, and an ability to be able to multiply all ticket sales and user numbers by four.
The successful candidate will also possess experience of applying for grants which are essential for this role – although no mention is made of the fact that without successful grant funding the WEE will drop even lower on its ten year downward spiral.
Wait there’s more… ‘The role requires the ability to co-ordinate staff and manage budgets and resources effectively’. With any luck they could get a candidate who can manipulate the figures to show the exact same phenomena that saw income in the last financial year increase from £46,642 in Month 11 to £106,303 in Month 12. An increase of £59,661 in a month. A magic trick worthy of Paul Daniels.
Perhaps the reason behind the *New *Vastly Improved *Unexplainable *Seasonally Adjusted *Just Not Possible income figures is to make the WEE look more attractive to a prospective new employee?
With a salary of between £30,000 to £35,000 will anyone be foolish enough to take on the impossible challenge of making the elephant fly?