SomersetClive issues apology

SomersetClive would like to issue an apology to all our readers. We have come into the office this morning and discovered that both our answerphone and our email inbox are full with angry messages from both visitors and residents demanding to know why we didn’t issue a warning yesterday.

Some readers have even gone so far as to suggest that our journalists are useless and our website woefully lacking.

Mr Harry WindsorTie said “On a national level, at the moment, Smallrown is judged globally by the state of our press and in particular SomersetClive – which I believe is at rock bottom.

I may not have a job but, as an ex-soldier upholding important values, I feel there’s a responsibility to expose this criminal activity in the name of public interest. I hope to be able to save journalism as a profession by highlighting this omission and calling on SomersetClive to account for your actions.

You have caused a great deal of distress to a great deal of people. How much more blood will stain your typing fingers before someone can put a stop to this madness?”

SomersetClive Editor, Mr Clive Saint, Sir, said “In light of these complaints SomersetClive would like to apologise to anyone whom we have upset by not issuing a warning that the Smalltown Morris Men would be performing on Smalltown Seafront yesterday evening. We know that several readers out for an evening stroll along Smalltown Promenade came across the Morris Men skipping around and waving their hankies in the air and that it was a bit of a shock for those unfortunate to have witnessed the spectacle.

We wholeheartedly apologise for any upset or offence caused. I can assure our readers that I have taken steps to ensure that this won’t happen again. In future all appearances by the Smalltown Morris Men will feature in multiple new stories during the week of any likely performance, together with the appropriate health warning.

Looking on the bright side – at least the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Kelsey Dullard didn’t turn up to take advantage of a photo opportunity – it could have been worse. Imagine the volume of complaints we’d have had if that had happened.”

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