Today we publish Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator Cllr Dullard’s End of Term report on her own performance.
Dictator Kelsey Dullard
BeFuddled Party
I have been absolutely amazing this term. I have delivered several lovely wonderfully long lectures and my year has been a whirl of non stop self publicity and photo opportunities. It has been good to see my name in the news every day and I am delighted that I get to do this job for another lovely year.
I only need to attend my own lovely Full Council meeting, of which there have been seven this year, one of which I missed after contracting the Corvid virus. This means my attendance is a wonderful 85 percent.
That doesn’t matter though, because I’ve been incredibly busy drinking lovely cups of tea and raising my profile in the local area. I have achieved all this despite not living in Smalltown or Dullbridge for the majority of my reign.
I have received some complaints about my management style, with some people believing that I do not have total autonomy when it comes to decisions and that I should consult more with the community.
However, these people are wrong, I do not need to listen to anyone, I can do and say what I want and I shall continue to make decisions and organise my ‘Meet the Mayor and Get a Medal’ events without the approval of anyone else. All this talk about Committee Meetings and getting the agreement of other Councillors is not how I’ve done things previously as a Headmistress.
I have hosted several lovely parties during my year, spending any council tax payers money not spent on the White Elephant Enclosure on galas, balls, award ceremonies, medals, certificates and hiring school halls for meetings, because I don’t like the atmosphere in my Hayloft Road Palace.
I have worked very hard to take the credit for Cllr Knickers’ wonderful Climate Rescue Action Plan (CRAP), she put a lot of effort into drawing up the proposal and I have been delighted to come up with ways to teach residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge how being environmentally friendly can help with the Cost of Living Crisis.
I plan to go out into the community to teach people how to recycle kitchen waste, paper and cardboard, tins, glass and clothing using the recycling boxes supplied by the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council. I will also be holding classes to demonstrate how residents can save energy by sitting in the dark under a blanket and encouraging them to get rid of their cars in favour of a bicycle. I will also be running a course for the grandmothers of our parish where I will be teaching them how to suck eggs.
I think you are all very lucky to have me as your Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator.
Effort: 10/10
Achievement: 10/10
Gold Star.
Conclusion: Dictator Dullard is lovely. I should be encouraged to continue to join forces with Deputy Dictators Sherry and Knickers to form a triumvirate and sack the rest of the Councillors. Not that I need any encouragement. You will all do as I say. Or else.