Dictator Dullard has confirmed that she has asked consumer magazine WhoWhatWhere? to hand over the names and addresses of the 62 people who contributed to the recent survey which saw Smalltown ranked in the bottom three Worst Holiday Destinations in the UK.
Cllr Dullard said “These people have no idea what they are talking about, so I plan to find out who they are and put them right. I have prepared a lengthy speech which I will deliver to each of them personally and intend to bore them into submission. I will also be meting out a suitable punishment, in this case they will be required to write ‘Smalltown is a lovely place for a holiday.’ 9,400 times.
Admittedly, on the few occasions that I visit Smalltown I rarely go into the town or onto the seafront, but I’m sure they are lovely.
Smalltown’s beach and town centre welcomes thousands of visitors each year, most of whom like to moan about the lack of things to do.
They come to enjoy our wide range of charity shops, estate agents and hairdressers which cater to local residents rather than visitors. Our cafes, which visitors do make use of, serve amazingly lovely cups of tea. What else does anyone need?”
Unfortunately a large number of Smalltown residents agreed with the survey.
Business Mogul, Lex Turkey, was scathing on his response to Director Dullard’s comments saying Usual response from the usual suspects. The town is far from perfect and some acknowledgement of this would be welcome. Unless Councillors admit that improvement is needed nothing will change.“
Ricky Tomlinson agreed, saying “Smalltown is very run down and tired, and the attractions on our front are dismal compared to some tourist towns. SaD Town Council needs to accept that Smalltown isn’t perfect. It’s not the opinion of people who return year on year that should be of concern, that’s conformation bias. You need to worry about those who don’t come here, and address the reasons why.”
Jilly Cooper said “People aren’t saying they don’t like Smalltown, they’re just saying that in comparison to other English seaside towns it’s looking tired and dated.
Something locals have been saying for a very long time! Councillors are only hearing the negative here and not thinking about what they could do to improve our town!!”
John Lewis added “The Mayor must be walking around Burnham with blinkers on if she can’t see all the problems Smalltown has.”
Chair of SaD Town Council Town Unimprovements Committee, Cllr Barracuda said “We would be really grateful if residents could contact us with their ideas to make Smalltown great again. We have spent the last year trying to come up with some ideas of our own, and we’ve had to admit defeat.”
Cllr Barracuda reminded residents that postcards for residents to submit their ideas are available at Hayloft Road Palace, Smalltown Library and the White Elephant Enclosure. Residents should write on the back of the postcard only.
It’s tatty, seedy and boring. And getting worse. The water is as dirty as it was in the 60s, when we were pursued up the beach by lumps of effluent on an incoming tide. And there’s very little to commend it.