Mayoral route announced

Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council has released details of the route SaD Headmistress, Mayor and Dictator, Cllr Kelsey Dullard, will take to the Annual Towns Meeting, which is being held in Dullbridge on April 18th.

It is expected that Cllr Dullard will travel to Dullbridge in Former Mayor of Smalltown and Dullbridge, His Royal Highness, Lord Admiral Emperor Nelson Jones, First Duke of Smalltown MBE, OBE and Knight of the Living Dead’s Golden Invalid Carriage (last used by the Former Mayor etc. to travel the wrong way down Smalltown Main Street to get to the George Hotel).

Residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge will be forced to camp out overnight to ensure that Cllr Dullard has people to wave at. All residents will be expected to wear their school uniform, including their school caps – which should be doffed as Dictator Dullard passes by.

The Mayor will start her journey from the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) on Hayloft Road and will then travel towards Dullbridge, before turning right into Kidlington Street, where she will receive a ‘special two fingered salute’ from Squire Teflon.

Her carriage will then turn right into Jetty Street, travelling past Witherspoons and turning left onto the Promenade

Cllr Dullard will then do a circuit of the South Promenade roundabout, close to the non-existent play area, before travelling the length of the North Promenade into Beach View Road, to ensure all holidaymakers waiting for the sunset don’t miss her.

The Golden Invalid Carriage will then turn into Beach View Road. A plan to turn left onto Barrow Road has been scrapped, due to concerns about protestors gathering at the site of the ‘Dangerous Tree’, itself the subject of a decision to fell it undertaken solely by Dictator Dullard herself.

Instead, she will now turn right at the junction heading towards Chateau Gardens before turning right into George Street and heading up Smalltown Main Street before turning into Maritime Drive and travelling straight to the Porland Community Hub, without touring Dullbridge any more than is absolutely necessary.

Details of her return route after the Town’s Meeting have not been realised, but it is expected that she will take the most direct route home, as by then she will be gasping for a lovely cup of tea, having delivered a three-hour long eulogy on ‘My Year Drinking Tea in Smalltown’.

Residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge will be expected to line the route, although an exception will be made for anyone able to produce a note from their great-great-great-great grandparent giving a valid reason for their absence.

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