Squire demands an answer

As part of his campaign to install himself as the Illiberal Party Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for the possible new Smalltown and Dullbridge, Fridgpond Unitary Constituency (SaDFUC) Squire Teflon has been attempting to track down Missing Person Tim Teepee’s secret lair.

In a late night Albanian Whiskey-fuelled LotsCrap group chat for the Smells Illiberal Party Constituency Group, Teflon demanded to know where Mr Teepee was.

When told that he knows full well that Mr Teepee has blocked him in the chat, Teflon responded by saying “Will someone tell him that I’m coming for him. I want his job and I’m ideally placed to take it, what with my years of experience as a Town, District and County Councillor.

The Squire continued” “I need to know if he plans to stand again in Smells or will he move to SaDFUC? It’s a simple enough question – the answer is either yes or no.

I know he’s good friends with BeFuddled Party Candidate Theresa Stunt. So does he plan to step aside in Smells to help her with her campaign?

I can’t make my own plans until I know what he’s doing.”

Several Illiberal Party members suggested that the Squire should go to bed and sleep it off. However Squire Teflon refused to heed their advice saying “Look. I know you all think Tim is the man for the job in Smells but, if he’s as good at fighting as he says he is, then he should do battle in Fridgpond.

Any Illiberal can win in Smells, and I’m happy to take that on, but it’ll take a real man to win in Fridgpond and I’m not sure I’m one of those.”

Gradually more and more members of the LotsCrap group blocked Squire Teflon, until the only person left for him to rant at was his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones, and she failed to respond.

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