Squire seeks name change

Squire Teflon has asked residents for their suggestions for the name of the proposed new constituency.

The proposal to split both the current constituencies of Smells and Fridgpond and Western Somerset in half to create a new constituency, which is set to include Fridgpond and Smalltown and Dullbridge, is due to be considered by the Boundary Commission with a recommendation put to Parliament in July.

If approved then Smalltown and Dullbridge will be set to elect a new MP for their area, with current Missing Person Tim Teepee expected to stand again in Smells and current Fridgpond MP, Ian Lone-Ranger, having already declared his intention to stand in the Western Somerset half of his constituency.

Squire Teflon has announced that he is not happy with the new name for the new constituency as it only mentions Fridgpond and doesn’t include Smalltown and Dullbridge in the title.

The Squire is therefore seeking support for his campaign to rename the area as ‘Smalltown and Dullbridge, Fridgpond Unitary Constituency’ (SaDFUC).

“With my many years ruling Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council and several years being a very small fish on Sadgebore District Council and my very close friendships with Smells Illiberal Party MP Tim Teepee and his predecessor BeFuddled Theresa Stunt, not to mention Horace Monsoon and many other Prime Ministers having my phone number on speed dial, I think I am well placed to take on the role of suggesting a new name.

The current proposal seeks to ignore Smalltown and Dullbridge and concentrates solely on the Fridgpond aspect. It’s bad enough that Smalltown is constantly mentioned in the same breath as Dullbridge, but neglecting us in favour of lefty-loving Fridgpond is just not on.

My suggestion that we name the new constituency SaDFUC puts Smalltown first. I think any person lucky enough to win an election in the area would be proud to be known as a SaDFUCer.”

SomersetClive tracked down Missing Person Tim Teepee to an undisclosed location to ask him what he thought of Squire Teflon’s idea and he told us “Oh no. Not him again. He’s a jumped–up little tw@t, isn’t he? For God’s sake don’t tell him where I am. I’m already considering taking out a restraining order against him.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *