The proposed new electoral boundary changes could lead to dire consequences for Smalltown and Dullbridge, according to local psychiatric Mystic Mick.
Currently the towns are in the Smells constituency, a seat currently held by Missing Person Tim Teepee, however the new proposal would see Smalltown and Dullbridge lumped in with Fridgpond to create a new constituency – SaD Fridge Contents.
The sitting Fridgpond Missing Person, Illiberal Party member Ian Lonely-Ranger, has already announced that he will be deserting Fridgpond to stand for election in the much nicer area of Swivelton and Yourhead, where he believes he has a better chance of hanging onto his job.
Mr Lonely-Ranger said “These new boundary changes will see my old constituency split into two. I had the choice of standing in either the new SaD Fridge Contents, which will include Smalltown and Dullbridge, or the new Swivelton and Yourhead area. Obviously I chose the latter, because Fridgpond is full of lefties who won’t vote for me.”
This will leave SaD Fridge Contents seeking a new Missing Person and residents are already wondering who will fill the void. SomersetClive spoke to leading psychiatric patient Mystic Mick to see if he could throw any light on the matter.
“It’s difficult, isn’t it? The three main parties are all going to have to choose a candidate. As usual the BeFuddleds will think they’ve got the best chance of winning, even though they rarely win any seats in Parliament, but bless them – they never give up do they?
The Illiberals will be equally convinced of a win, but Fridgpond is a traditional Working Man Party area and we could see our first red-haired missing person chosen to represent us. This won’t go down too well in Smalltown where we’ve been an Illiberal stronghold for many years.
It’s all going to come down to the candidates. There’s going to be an awful lot of unemployed Illiberal Party Sadgebore District Councillors floating around come April and we could well see several of them vying for the position. It’s entirely possible that leader of Sadgebore District Council Duncan McGoat and Smalltown’s Squire Teflon could go head-to-head in the Illiberal Party candidate selection contest.
That’s the stuff of nightmares.”
The new boundary changes still have to be accepted by Parliament but, if approved, will come into effect for the next General Election.