Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council’s recent appeal for ideas to celebrate the Coronation of King Henry IX in May saw several residents come forward with suggestions and the SaDTC Coronation Ideas Group (CIG) will now discuss these amongst themselves.
The meeting opened with SaDTC Headmistress, Cllr Dullard, and Deputy Headmistress, Cllr Sherry telling residents that they didn’t know if there was any money available in the budget to pay for any of the Commemorative Coronation Celebration suggestions, despite everyone else in the room knowing full well that the Town Unimprovements Committee events budget included a sum of money for precisely that.
The ideas thus far proposed include:-
Smalltown Celebrity Coronation Chicken Bake Off. Six local celebrities, including the bloke who does impersonations at a caravan park who once failed a TV talent show audition, compete to win a golden crown by baking cakes which include Coronation Chicken as the main ingredient. All entries must have featured in past Coronation Celebrations.
Bunting on every lamp-post and house in the area. Householders to be fined if they do not display bunting.
Headmistress Kelsey Dullard was particularly enamoured with the idea of an Afternoon Tea Dance. Contestants will start the course with a full cup of tea and then dance their way along the length of Main Street holding their cups of tea aloft. Cllr. Dullard to wait at the finish line, with the winner being declared as the person who hands her the fullest cup of tea. Concerns were raised about the risks associated with hot liquids combined with fox trotting.
Coronation to be live screened on the big screen in the White Elephant Enclosure . Tickets will cost £94 each and patrons will need to enter and exit the building five times each to boost numbers.
It was confirmed that SaD Town Council definitely can’t afford a Commemorative Coronation Cup for each child in the towns so as an alternative it was proposed that all children be given a SaDtown Commemorative Coronation Egg Cup instead. Children in Dullbridge to get one for each family, because, well, it’s only Dullbridge.
The Smalltown Main Street Wheelie Bin race. Main Street to be closed off. Entrants will place a small child in a council-provided wheelie bin and navigate a number of obstacles on a course. However, it was pointed out by a resident that SaDTC don’t actually own any wheelie bins, as wheelie bins are the responsibility of the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council, so permission would need to be granted to borrow some.
It was confirmed that Squire Teflon’s close-friend and employer Mistress Bones, together with Lady Brassy of Easton-under-Water, leaders of the Smalltown Shops (SS) group are looking into acquiring a Maypole for the occasion with Squire Teflon saying “I’m looking forward to seeing young ladies dance around my greasy pole.”
It was agreed that Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council would only progress ideas relating to Coronation Celebrations in Smalltown, with organisations in Dullbridge being encouraged to find their own funding for any events in Dullbridge.
A further public meeting will be held at the end of March to talk about ways to take the ideas forward. Lots and lots of talking.