Blitz bid blocked

A bid to turn Smalltown into the Blackpool of the South/Rhyl of England has been denied. An attempt to modernise the town/nakedly money grab (delete as applicable) by the Blitz club management and some bunch of chancers in Bradford has seen their hopes dashed.

In a radical move the Planning (to devastate your local community) Directorate has actually refused permission for something in Smalltown, a previously unheard-of thing.

The Blitz Club and the Bradford chancers had wanted to put up a cinema screen or a huge searchlight or something, which would advertise corn plasters and Gentlemen’s accoutrements, on the side of the club, but some bunch of whingers persuaded Smalltown and Dullbridge town council, and in turn Sadgebore District Council that it wouldn’t look nice.

The Bradford chancers appealed, but in a shock move, Planning Inspector Brian Unaccountable decided that although he usually just rubber stamps this stuff, on this occasion he thought it would look poo, and cause massive pile ups in George Street, and ruin the look of the Blitz Club.

The decision was made without Brian telling anyone he had done it. Delivering his verdict, Mr Unaccountable said “You’re having a laugh, right? Bog off.”

The move is likely to upset many people who would not be affected by it if it had gone ahead.

Holiday visitor Terry Halesowen said “If I cannot enjoy watching a picture advertising something I don’t want to buy change every 20 seconds, I am never coming to Smalltown again. With my chalet at Putin’s holiday park being rented out to some hairy arsed builders, it’s Easton-under-Water for me from now on.”

Local whingers were seen cackling and rubbing their hands, saying their campaign to keep Smalltown in the 1970s would continue.

Suggestions that a shiny illumination could be erected in Dullbridge instead were rejected as nobody there has any money to buy things that are advertised.

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