SomersetClive continues with our look back at 2022 and it’s not all bad news.
July
Residents reacted with fury to plans submitted by Hellhole Holiday Park to install a stage and bar which was said would rival the world-famous Dalstonbury Festival.
There was further fury when the Blitz Social Club unveiled plans to turn George Street into Times Square, with the installation of a giant advertising screen which would be visible from Mars.
Squire Teflon revealed that he would be supporting Fliss Thrust in her campaign to replace Horace Monsoon as Prime Minister. “She’s lovely, isn’t she? Reminds me of a young Margaret Thatcher. I think she will fast become the best Prime Minister we’ve ever had.”
As Smalltown experienced the highest temperatures ever recorded, Town Mayor and Headmistress Kelsey Dullard kicked off her World Record attempt to enjoy as many cups of hot tea in as many different places as possible.
August
Professional Fun Police and new Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillor Patsy Knickers gave a four hour presentation to her fellow Councillors leading up to the signing of the ‘Climate and Ecological We Are All Going To Die Emergency Declaration’. It was mooted that the majority of SaD Town councillors didn’t know what they were agreeing to, because they had fallen asleep during the presentation.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillors revealed that they had no idea how to turn the lights on at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others).
Squire Teflon and his close-friend Mistress Bones confirmed the cancellation of The Mistress’ Annual Chateau Park Jamboree (formerly known as the highly successful Hospital Fete Worse Than Death). The cancellation came after Mistress Bones included the event as a reason to vote for her in her election manifesto, and no one did.
Traders in Dullbridge considered mounting a coup to remove Smalltown’s Most Popular Person Cllr. Jock McCads from his position of Chairman of the Chamber of Business Benefiting the Local Economy in Dullbridge (COBBLED) after he unilaterally decided to support Sadgebore District Council’s Re-Imagine Dullbridge (RID) bid, against COBBLED members wishes.
September
The Festival of Graffiti, Wall Art and Rap Noise, Incorpoating Noisy Groups in Smalltown (FOGWARNINGS) returned to the town. Several older residents complained about the noise.
Headmistress and Town Mayor Kelsey Dullard enjoyed lots of lovely cups of tea in Smalltown and even managed to find her way to Dullbridge. Once.
A woman who had once visited Dullbridge died.
Smalltown environmental campaigner Scrumpy led a campaign to save a ‘dangerous tree’ from the clutches of the tree felling department of the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council. Residents called for the tree to be maintained rather than removed. Despite the recently declared Climate and Ecological State of Emergency, members of Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council declined to get involved. The tree has defied the dire predictions of the Tree Felling Department and has resolutely refused to shed any of its branches over the winter.